Lena Dunham (Terrible Person) Returns Her Rescue Dog After 4 years

Full disclaimer. I have hated Lena Dunham for a long time. She’s the most prime example of why people hate millennials. I don’t even know if she is one; but she IS a shining example of everything that’s wrong is society. She constantly craves attention and gets offended at the drop of a hat, but is quick to makes outrageous claims and accusations without anything to back them up. She’s issued more apologizes that I care to list here.

It’s also worth noting that I’m a BIG dog lover. I absolutely love my dog, Cora. She’s probably the second or third best thing to ever happen to me. The list goes as follows: marrying my wife, Barrack Obama being elected president and adopting my dog.

So, despite everything that I hate about Lena Dunham, I was cool with that tiny piece of her that was a dog lover.

You see, in 2013, Lena adopted a pup named “Lamby,” from a very reputable no-kill shelter. How do we know this? Well, it’s Lena Dunham, so he write a 4,000 essay about adopting her dog for the New Yorker. In the article she basically explains how the dog  and process changed her life. While the article itself is so self-contrived that it made me vomit in my mouth at least three times, I can appreciate the sentiment. Over the last four years, Lamby appeared in numerous magazines with Lena and her Boyfriend and apparently was a staple on the set of “Girls.” Lena also got years of Instagram content out of Lamby. But, she just loves her dog. Right?


In March, Lena Dunham wrote a long winded Instagram post about how Lamby had become aggressive with her other dogs and detailed that she could no longer control him. She claimed that the dog was severely abused as a puppy, came from 3 different homes and that the 3 different owners had messed him up. Dunham claims to have tried “everything,” but came to terms with the fact that the pup was just too far gone.

Well, well, well…

Today the shelter fired back and put Lena Dunham in a fucking body bag.

Yahoo.com: “A spokesperson for BARC Shelter in Brooklyn — where Dunham adopted Lamby in January 2013 before going on to make the dog a star by detailing his adoption in a New Yorker article, showing him off in magazine spreads like Vogue, and spotlighting him on her Instagram feed — has a different story though. For starters, the pet didn’t have a long history of abuse prior to Lena bringing him home.

“We checked the records for Lamby,” Robert Vazquez told Yahoo Celebrity via email. “He was ‘owner surrendered, not enough time,’ so we do not know where she got ‘multiple owners that abused the dog.’”

(In her New Yorker piece from March 2013, Dunham said the dog had “three other homes, three other names, but now he’s mine mine mine.”) At the time of his adoption by the star, the dog was just 1 “nearing 2-years-old” — and he didn’t have a history of being aggressive.

When she adopted the dog from us, it wasn’t crazy,” Vazquez continued. “I have pictures of the dog loving on Lena and her mom, which is weird if the dog was abused. It wouldn’t be cuddling with her or be in the bed with her ‘boyfriend’ in the pages of Vogue.”

(Lamby appeared with Lena in a 2014 Vogue spread, which also featuring her co-star Adam Driver. The dog, which seemed like a trained pro, was with the pair on city streets, in bed, and chilling with the pair in the bathroom.) Vazquez says he personally was there “the four times Lena visited Lamby” prior to the adoption “because I’ve been in-charge of the dogs for the last 14-15 years at BARC. If Lamby had a bad past or was abused, do you think BARC would have adopted him to Lena knowing she’s a new star and put her — or the dog — in that situation? We would have told her if the dog had issues. We are a no-kill shelter.

We don’t lie about the dogs’ histories because that gets them returned — and mentally it’s not good for dogs.”

Don’t worry America, Lena’s ability to be a terrible person knows no bounds. She wrote another “heartfelt” message on Instagram to address the accusations.

That’s right.

The ego maniac refuses to EVER be wrong and is attempting to discredit a no-kill animal shelter.

It’s come to my attention that the staff at the shelter where I adopted Lamby have a very different account of his early life and behavioral issues than I do. While I’m sorry to have disappointed them, I can’t apologize. Lamby was and is one of the great loves of my life. When I met him I knew we’d have an amazing journey. But his aggression – which was unpredictable- and his particular issues, which remain myriad, weren’t manageable, at least not by me. I did what I thought the best mother would do, which was to give him a life that provided for his specific needs. He’d been with me for nearly four years and I was his mom- I was in the best position to discern what those needs were. After countless hours of training, endless financial support and a lot of tears he was given access to a better life. I still support him financially and I’ll always be there for him in every way but he’s notably happier in his new surroundings. Why should this story be subject to scrutiny and anger? It is willfully misunderstanding the truth. I hope those judging can imagine the incredible pain of letting go of your favorite creature on EARTH because you know you can’t help them be healthy and happy. I would never say an unkind word about the staff of BARC, what they do is amazing and life saving for these animals- but we have different accounts of Lamby’s behavior and they were not present in my home nor did they live with him for an extended period. They did not witness the consistent and responsible care I provided. I have weathered a lot of micro-scandals but this one hurts MOST, because of the vulnerability of letting people know Lamby and my story, and because I miss him so damn much. This is the painting that greets me every day when I walk into my home. This is the animal who taught me about loving and letting go. I know I’m a lot of fun to place your issues on, but I won’t let anyone hang their hat on this peg. Not this time.

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You’re a good boy Lamby.

Lena Dunham… you’re the worst.