I feel like I’m writing one of Serniak’s blogs right now. But, Arian Foster went off on a twitter rant yesterday, explaining how he could defeat a wolf in a one-on-one fight. Arian’s main arguments? 1. He has thumbs and the wolf doesn’t. 2. The wolf has never been to a pro-bowl.
wanna go camping but “wildlife” scares the shit outta me.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Ok, valid point. I can completely get behind this tweet. I’m not even a fan of going in the deep end of a pool at night.
i honestly think i can get a wolf 1 on 1 tho.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
At this point, I feel like I’m talking to the really stoned kid at a college.
“I could totally kick a wolf’s ass.”
“No. You absolutely could not. But, please, I’d love to hear why you think you could…”
“You know why? Because, thumbs, man. Thumbs.”
i’ve studied the wolf. he can’t read. i know his weaknesses. plus the thumb thing.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Arian has studied the wolf. I’m sure that his Philosophy degree from the University of Tennessee didn’t included many classes on “wolf studies.”
if he bites me his main weapon is immobilized. then becomes vulnerable. this is why thumbs are so important.
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
So, Arian Foster’s first move is to just let the wolf bite him. Because, he’s got thumbs. I like where this is going…
thumbs means i can grab him .he can’t grab me. all he has is a mouth. grab his neck he can’t bite. https://t.co/5s61cihKVb
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But, Arian, what if the wolf grabs you WITH HIS MOUTH AND GIANT KILLER teeth?!
also hasn’t been to 4 probowls, overcome those injuries and DOESNT HAVE THUMBS. advg: me, fucker. https://t.co/337xEc8k05
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Counterpoint taken. The wolf has not played in a Pro Bowl, although that might make the game watchable. I do however, think it’s short sighted to say he’s never overcome any injuries. You don’t know this wolf’s life story. But, again, great closing argument. The wolf doesn’t have thumbs. Advantage, Arian Foster, f*cker.
bro you think a wolf knows where my artery is? all the sudden i’m fighting a wolf that knows biology? https://t.co/0rKRorDSaw
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Arian also doesn’t believe that wolves are versed in anatomy, the wolf would never know to bit at an artery. You know, that whole natural instinct thing, isn’t real.
show me how the wolf in time of conflict analyzes exactly what part of the body is the weakest, determines how its the weakest, then attacks
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Wolves don’t think, man. They can’t deduct these types of things. Come on.
just can’t be scared. my life or his. https://t.co/FK6d4CGDUJ
— Feeno (@ArianFoster) March 6, 2017