Today, I thought we would discuss the Super Bowl foods that can make or break your party. Sunday will be here before you know it. Why not get a jump start on your menu now?
Let’s start with the elephant in the room. Pizza didn’t make the list. Why? Because pizza is absolutely disgusting. The smell of it makes me physically ill and watching the grease drip from it makes things even worse. This is the part where you express your disbelief and say that I’m not a real American. Yeah, yeah, like I haven’t been hearing that since I was 10 (sometimes from my own parents). Now, lets discuss real Super Bowl foods.
5. Meats and Cheese (Charcuterie if you’re fancy)
As far as meat and cheese goes, it’s a staple of any Point After Show gathering. We each have our own twist on it, but if we’re hanging out and watching a game, there’s a 99.999% chance a spread of meat and cheese is offered.
We’re from NEPA, so we have high quality supersatta readily available. In Pennsylvania and New York, Wegans does sell supersatta and it is acceptable if nothing homemade is available. That being said, it may not be available everywhere in the country. So, summer sausage, pepperoni, prosciutto, kielbasa and various smoked or salted meats are also acceptable.
Unless your friends are adventurous, try to stay in the world of cheddars or jacks when choosing your cheese. Tommy killed it with a horseradish cheddar a few weeks ago. I’m still thinking about that cheese.
You can’t go wrong with a good charcuterie spread.
4. Chips and Dip
This is my personal favorite. If I find out in advance that there won’t be some sort of chip and dip combo available at a party, I’m might not show up. For the sake of brevity, I’m including all chip and dip variety in this category. Controversial move, I know.
A professional partier offers a sour cream based dip; generally an onion dip. Please note: if rippled potato chips are available and you go traditional, you’re a psychopath. I’m personally not a big onion dip guy. In a perfect world, I would drink hidden valley ranch dip. I beg you, DO NOT add cream cheese to dip mix. To make the perfect dip, mix straight up sour cream (Daisy brand if available) with the Hidden Valley ranch flavoring packet. Generic ranch dip mix is for the poors.
Salsa and tortilla chips are essentials party snacks. No matter what Trump may say. Your party needs them. I can take or leave salsa. But, advertising and the media tells us it’s not a party without them. Don’t disappoint your lemming friends.
3. Hoagies (or a hoagie tray)
Before we go any further… It’s called a hoagie. It’s not a sub, a hero or a grinder. Deal with it and correct your vocabulary. Thanks.
A good Italian, roast beef and turkey hoagie platter is clutch. There’s something for everyone. If there isn’t, ask them to leave. Hot Hoagies like cheese steak or meatball are not acceptable party food. Everyone at you party will be having some drinks and everyone will have to work on Monday. Help them lay down a solid base to soak up the booze. Meats. Cheese. Bread. Go!
When possible, shop for your hoagies from a local owned business, not a chain. Subway, Jimmy John’s, etc. have their place in the world, but not at the Super Bowl. If you can’t go local, go to Wegman’s. Wegman’s hoagies rule.
2. Healthy Snacks
You’re looking at a guy who is currently on a diet. But, I’m also not a dick. I would never expect someone to cater their menu around my current dietary restrictions and neither should you. I’m going to eat the bad-for-me stuff too, because it is Super Bowl Sunday. I’ll just utilize portion control. That being said, this year, more any any other, I’m going to appreciate the carrot sticks, cucumber, broccoli and other veggies.
Not much else to say here. Believe me, your friends who are trying to be healthy will appreciate this menu item. This doesn’t apply to vegans. Don’t invite vegans to your Super Bowl party.
1. Hot Wings
When I was doing “research” for this article (Google), I was disgusted to noticed hot wings rounding out the bottom of all the Super Bowl food lists. The authors cited things like “some people don’t like spicy food” and “they’re just too messy.” They’re too messy?! Come on. Throw away your soccer participation trophy and pick up a drum stick. By the time you’re an adult, you need to master the art of eating a hot wing in public. If you haven’t done this, you’re probably not even getting invited to a Super Bowl party anyway.
Again, most of the Point After Show crew is from NEPA, where the 2nd best hot wings in the world are located. We love wings. We live off wings. Give us wings or give us death. It’s not a party without hot wings.
Even a bad hot wing is a good hot wing.