“Well then I guess there’s only one thing left to do…win the whole f@#king thing.” – Jake Taylor, Major League
Congratulations! You’ve made it to your fantasy league championship. There’s no better way to spread the holiday cheer than by obnoxiously rejoicing your playoff domination for all to hear. My week 16 fantasy football advice to you is to be confident and get cocky this holiday weekend. Empty out your Christmas stocking full of fantasy football swag and take a dump on your opponent’s nativity scene. You deserve it!
In last week’s blog, I shared with you a list of Christmas classics for your viewing pleasure. Below, I round out my top ten favorites to enhance your holiday spirit. Merry Christmas!
Bad Santos
Cairo Santos is a NFL kicker who’s led a miserable life. He drinks heavily and constantly embarrasses himself publicly. He only works several months a year dressed as a Kansas City Chief. But come Christmas Day, he and his pint-sized helper dwarf Alex Smith, stage elaborate robberies and take numerous department stores for everything they’ve got. This Christmas, they‘re hitting a stadium in suburban Denver, Colorado. Santos gets distracted by having sex with large women; a bartender who is attracted to him; and a kid who’s convinced he’s the real deal. Smith must put up with Santos’ heavy drinking leading to a series of incidents and setbacks. Will Santos and Smith make it to next Christmas? Or will this be the year the dynamic duo finally face justice?
Die Hard
NFL linebacker Rolando McClain goes on a Christmas vacation to visit his wife, Capri, in Los Angeles where she works for the Nakatomi Corporation. While at a Christmas party in Nakatomi Plaza, intranational terrorists led by Jon Gruden take control of the building and hold everyone, except McClain, hostage while they plan to perform a lucrative heist. Unable to escape and with no immediate police response, McClain is forced to take matters into his own hands.
Fitzy the Snowman
A discarded silk top hat becomes the focus of a struggle between washed-up wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald and seasonal depression disorder. After magically bringing the aging receiver football life for one final season, Fitzy realizes his skills might dissipate by next summer’s training camp. He takes refuge to a colder, darker climate with a woman he befriends. The two stow away on a freight train headed for the North Pole, but little do they know they are being followed the entire way by emotional scars and crystal meth addiction. This animated short is based on the popular Christmas song of the same name.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Andy Dalton, the pumpkin king of Ginger Town, is bored with doing the same thing every year…throwing interceptions. On December 24th, he stumbles into the Bayou City and is so smitten with the idea of Christmas that he decides to spread Christmas joy to the world by attempting to score multiple touchdowns in the game. But his well-meaning mission unwittingly puts his Cincinnati team in jeopardy and creates a nightmare for all the good little Bengals’ fans everywhere!
Lethal Weapon
Frank Gore is an aging family man and sensible veteran running back just trying to make it through the day unscathed. Andrew Luck is a suicidal loose cannon quarterback who doesn’t care if he lives to see tomorrow. Reluctantly thrown together by the Indianapolis Colts front office to create an intimidating offensive threat, the unlikely duo uncovers a dangerous Raiders’ defense consisting of ex-military mercenaries. After a tragic turn of events, the mission becomes personal and the mismatched teammates must learn to trust one another as they wage a two-man war against Oakland’s deadly criminal organization.
Good luck to all in your league championships! Have a great holiday season. And remember, whether it be in fantasy football or in life, whenever you’re in doubt, go with your gut!